Who Am I?

I'm a man of the people.

I live in a $1.6 million house in a neighborhood of millionaires.

I send my kids to private school.

I went to elite universities you can't afford or attend.

Wealthy celebrities and entertainers like me.

They are the liberal elite. They make money telling you what is cool. They are basically salespeople, like advertisers. They feel bad about this so they like to show themselves working for charities. They care about the people who can't help themselves. Not the stable, boring, responsible people like you. They hate you because you are stable and normal.

Liberal elites are neurotic, freaky people. If you make your living telling others what is real, and you're not telling the truth, you get neurotic and freaky. So if you're normal and healthy, they'll tell you that you are boring and selfish, probably ignorant. You're not interesting and fascinating like them.

They like me however. They will tell you to vote for me, and laugh at you when you do. It's so easy to fool you, they think. They want you to feel good about voting for me, so they tell you I'm a man of the people. I'll tell you that, too.

But inside, I'm thinking how it must really be sad to be someone who isn't like me. Who doesn't have the money, the big house, and the liberal elites loving me. Who can't afford to send their kids to private school. (Our schools in Chicago are really bad -- you might think a politician like me would have fixed that problem.)

This November, you can either vote for me, or all your friends will think you're dumb. Their favorite actors and musicians told them to think this way. Either way, I still have my big house, money and liberal elites. What do you have? You're not as cool as I am.

I'm Barack Obama, and I want you to vote for me this November.